Month: January 2018

“When You Get In Your Head, You’re Dead.”

This week I was chatting to another SN Mum I met last year. We chatted about how we can defuse anger in ourselves and in others.

It’s so easy to listen to that internal narrative. You are angry, upset, irrational maybe and totally focussed on the thing that is causing you stress. It might be the unsuccessful meeting you attended this week, the annoying letter discharging your child from a service  which they clearly shouldn’t have been (that was me last week) or the ‘well meaning’ comment from another parent/relative. You know the kind, right?

“When you get in your head, you’re dead.” Tony Robbins

You are so focussed, going over and over the experience in your mind and not seeing a way out of it – you are in your head totally.  One of the best ways out of this is asking yourself or others open questions. No-one wants to hear ‘Don’t be silly’, ‘It’s fine’, or ‘Well, that’s not how I see it.’ None of that is helpful is it?

This constant going over and over in your head ultimately causes us suffering.

Feelings of anger, failure or rejection are totally normal. However, if you can’t ask yourself open questions to get perspective and make a plan, those feelings can lead to self-doubt, self judgement and negativity.

Changing your narrative can lead to perspective, knowledge of what is realistic and a plan for how to move the situation forward and get out of your head.

Initially, I was fuming that the hospital had sent out a standard letter discharging Freddie from Orthotics due to a ‘missed’ appointment. I had actually tried to get hold of them to explain that we couldn’t attend between Christmas and New Year but couldn’t connect with them. So, rather than getting myself into an angry state about the ridiculous waste of time and money writing to both me and my GP and then subsequent wasted time and effort it would cause to make an appointment to see the GP to get re-listed, I got asked myself a couple of questions. Can this be easily resolved? Yes. Is it a massive deal? No. Am I prepared to just get on with contacting them? Yes.

I wrote a firm but polite email explaining and suggesting the Trust look at their protocol. I received a really pleasant email within 24 hours acknowledging the situation, advising that he had been reinstated to the register and giving me a new appointment date and time. My contact also assured me she would pass on my thoughts to management. It possibly won’t make any difference but it’s always better to highlight it than not. So, yes it was irritating but i just let it go. I got out of my head. This was something quite small really but add that to the hundreds of other irritations we all have and it can all build up in a negative way.

This is a section of what I wrote:

“I have received a letter stating that my son has been discharged from Orthotics for missing one appointment, in line with Trust Policy.I did try to call a few times to inform you that we were unable to make the appointment due to two out of the five of us in our family having a bug. There was no-one available and I wasn’t able to leave a proper message.As a frequent user of the NHS for our disabled son, I fully appreciate the cost of missed appointments and the frustration it must cause when people repeatedly miss them. My apologies that on this occasion we did not attend.  However, I would suggest that perhaps rather than wasting time and paper/postage writing to me and my GP and the further time and money for us having to re-register, it would be useful to look at our record of attendance and the patients needs. One phone call would have been sufficient for finding a solution.You will notice from his records that we have not previously missed any appointments. You will also clearly see that my son is disabled with a life long condition and will therefore most likely need these services for life.I would like you to reinstate Freddie to the surgical appliances register and I would be grateful for you to re-issue another appointment.I look forward to hearing from you with confirmation that the discharge has been lifted.”

 

Two of my three little heroes. xx

 

5 Options For Planning, Gratitude and Resilience

New Year, New Set of Plans.

Now that the holiday season has come to a close, everyone is heading back to work and school, the appointments are starting to flood in again and the possibility of overwhelm is high.

I’m planning on having a bespoke planner, diary and journal for all of us in our Mentoring Community to use in the near future but until that’s ready,  I wanted to share with you some good options for planning this year.

If you are looking for a good all rounder for a diary, a little daily gratitude to look back on and space for free flow notes and lists the 365 Daily Planner could be a good option for you.

For pure planning, appointments, targets, to do lists of who to contact and when a good diary can do the job. The Personal Daily Planner Organiser has no date constraints so you can start at any point. Simple and easy to use.

Maybe focussing on your goals is the key for this year. If so, the Inspire Now Journal would be great. Again, it has no date constraints so you can start it on whatever date you like. Think goals for your child but also goals for you to help build your emotional resilience. If you have it written down, I always think it is a bit like an agreement with yourself that you will put that time aside just for you. Book in the weekly run or walk with friends or the regular coffee meet up with a friend. Get it booked and get it  done – for you.

If 365 days of gratitude feels a bit overwhelming, ‘Natalie Fox’s 100 Days Of Gratitude Will Change Your Life‘ could be more doable. Forget the planning and focus just on those things. When days are hard and there are challenges around every corner, I find it really useful to write down at the end of each day the three things I’m grateful for. When I look back on my entries, be it something small or something big like the fact that we managed a family trip to the cinema without a meltdown which was huge progress, it all adds up. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the good and the great.

Lastly, anyone who has met me will know I do like a little bit of mindfulness and meditation. If you are totally new to this then you could start with the top line basics in this handy book, ‘The Little Book Of Mindfulness’.

Good luck. x

P.S.

If you purchase anything via the links with Amazon in my blog posts, I receive a small commission at NO added cost to you. This just helps me a little to maintain the website and continue to provide useful and empowering resources for parents and carers of children with special needs and disabilities. Thank you. x